Crazy For You

Hello! I'm James Moran, a writer for film and telly. I wrote the movies Severance, Cockneys Vs Zombies, Tower Block, and TV episodes for Doctor Who, Torchwood, Spooks, Primeval, Spooks Code 9, and Crusoe. I've written other stuff too, which you can read about on my blog here. But we're not here to talk about me! Well, I guess we are, sort of. But mainly, we're here to talk about this crowdfunding thingy and what the hell I think I'm playing at. So you probably have questions. Fire away.

What the hell do you think you're playing at?

Good question! I'm making a short film. It's called "Crazy For You", and those of you familiar with my mainly blood-soaked work will be surprised to hear it's a romantic comedy.

WHAT?! I *hate* romantic comedies!

It's a romantic comedy about a serial killer.

Oh. Okay, I'm listening.

Yes, it's a dark, dark comedy about a guy who meets the girl of his dreams - but he's a serial killer, and has trouble controlling his urge to kill. Basically, it's about trying to be a better person when you have some really, really bad habits to overcome. It's got jokes, romance, death, gore, and blood. Lots of blood. But funny, romantic blood!

Wait - you're directing this?? But you're a pasty-faced writer!

Yes, but I've directed a short already - Halloween: H33, which you can watch here - and the last 3 episodes of Girl Number 9 (trailer here). I know the script inside out and backwards, because I wrote it, and I'll be surrounded by a fantastic team. I've been wanting to direct for ages, it means a lot to me and will hopefully give me more control over my work. It also helps me become a better writer, as directing and editing are another step in the re-writing process.

Fair enough. Who's in it? Anyone famous? I like famous people.

We do have some lovely famous people we are approaching for the leads, but my lawyers tell me I'm not allowed to talk about them yet. But the second I'm allowed to tell you, I will!

So why do you need money for this short? Aren't all writers millionaires??

Ha! Haha! HAHA! HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA! HAAAAA--

--ahem. Sorry, just couldn't stop laughing for some reason.

No, writers are not millionaires. Normally I'd have to submit the short pitch to agencies and financiers and all sorts of boring people who haven't got a creative bone in their bodies, then I'd have to convince them I'm good, and they'd be all "who is this Jamie Morgan?", and I'd be all "grrr", and stuff.

Which is why I'm asking you for help - you, the lovely people who like my stuff. You know I can get the job done, and you'll have a direct hand in making it happen. You're always a valuable part of the process, in that you're kind enough to watch my stuff, so this makes us BFF's even more than before. Also, shiny shiny rewards! For you!

Aren't you just going to spend the budget on drugs and bling? Isn't that what you Hollywood types do?

No way! The money will go towards hiring equipment, paying for the props and gruesome effects, renting locations, post production, sound mix, and all that fun stuff that sadly doesn't come for free. I'm not getting paid, neither are most of the people involved - we just want to make something cool and get it out there.

Wait a second, what if you raise more than the target? Do you spend THAT on drugs and bling?

Nope, if we get more than expected, then it'll all go into making the short look and sound even cooler, and submitting it to festivals (which costs money). If we get LOADS more, we'll be able to pay everyone a bit. If we get millions and millions, then I'll run away, buy an island somewhere, and sit on a throne having people sacrificed in my honour.

What happens later - do we get to see it?

Once it's finished, we'll be submitting it to film festivals, including FrightFest, my spiritual home of horror. Severance had its premiere there, H33 screened there, we showed some clips from Cockneys Vs Zombies there, Tower Block is the closing film this year, it's the ideal place to show this kind of short. And once it has had a festival life, it'll be put online for all to see. Although certain backers will get to see it *before* anyone else, even festivals, via a secret online link. Shhh!

Hold on just a damn second - no DVD??

The short will be less than 10 minutes long, so a DVD is a bit overkill - but this is better: instead, you'll get a high quality download with any extras that would have been on the DVD. So as soon as it's ready, you get it immediately, without having to wait for us to get DVDs made. And if we do any extra, er, DVD extras, you'll get those thrown in. We're hoping to do commentaries (there'll be at least one, by me), behind the scenes footage, bloopers, and all that fun stuff. It's just like a DVD, but not physical, unless you want to burn it to a shiny disc.

Okay, I like your moxie, and find you bewilderingly attractive, albeit weirdly pale and gawky. What do I do??

Look over to the right of the screen, and you'll see various donation options. If you can only spare a quid or so, that's brilliant, and we'll be very grateful. If you can spare more, that's brilliant, too. There are lots of different levels of rewards, so that everyone who contributes gets something out of it - from a special shout-out to set visits, we're got a little something for everyone - you could even get to kiss one of our crew!

That kiss part isn't true, is it?

No, it was a joke.

Those aren't enough rewards! I want a pony! I SAID I WANT A PONY!

Okay, fine. One of the rewards is a pony. A small, toy pony, sure, but you can probably still do most of the things with it that you'd do with a real life pony. Most of them. But unlike a real pony, this one will be featured on screen in one of the major scenes of the short, which means you get a prop from the movie, *and* a pony. So there you go - the ONLY crowdfunding page that gives you everything you ever wanted, *including* a pony.