There is only one day left until the IMAGO Crowdfunding project ends. What an adventure we've had! I am still in disbelief at how amazing it's been and how generous you are. Thank you.

Over the past few days it’s slowly started to sink in how amazing the last few months – indeed the last year – has been, and how generous people are. I have some amazing people in my life who help me all the time, and who have really ‘fannied up’ for me over the last few weeks in terms of emotional and practical support. I also have some wonderful fans who support me and my music with  a beautiful enthusiasm and an emotional intelligence (not to mention donations) that I couldn’t ask more of. It makes me feel extremely fortunate and like I am ‘got’.

I want to thank each of you for supporting me, and thank you so much to those who came to the launch gig on Saturday. For laughing with me, and crying with me, and for allowing me to share my heart and my music.

My favourite part of Saturday night was walking in at the start, sitting at the piano and looking out at a room full of gorgeous, grinning folk – some of whom I knew well (hello, mum!), some of whom I’d ever met – and feeling like you were all with me for one big happening that we were all about to share. Whether you were there or not, if you’ve been to shows before, if you’ve bought my albums or donated to the crowdfunding, then I felt you with us too. To be listened to and feel understood is all any of us really wants, from the earliest of life’s moments, and I feel like you lot really get me and it feels incredible. Thank you.

Before all this, I really didn’t know if anyone would care/notice that I was making a new record. A five-year break between releases has been a long time, and a lot has gone on to knock my confidence and make me question myself. Making IMAGO has been a reclamation project, in so much as I’ve had to learn how to trust myself again. And whilst I am still very fallible and prone to self-doubt, all in all I’d say that it’s worked…I do feel like I’ve got my wings back. And that’s partly down to me, and partly down to all the awesome people in my life.

Bill Murray agrees.

I’ve been building my own machine outside the big labels and the fat cat industry for almost 15 years now, and the last few months has felt like a validation and a culmination of this approach – releasing the new record is the apogee of what it means to me to be an independent artist/woman (cue soundtrack) putting out records and shows (ooh, and before I forget, I also have a new website: – thanks Ki Media!)

It’s not easy. It’s still difficult to reach an audience outside of the North East (so spread the word! And if you want me to come and do a house gig at your place, get in touch), it’s a slog (almost impossible) to get national press interested and radio play without a label and without pluggers, and it’s a stretch to fund touring and generally keep people abreast of what’s going on with what I’m making because there’s a time cost to everything that’s always greater than you imagine when you first set out on any given task. And I’m knackered. But I am also incredibly proud of what I’ve achieved – what we’ve achieved together – and I honestly have no complaints.

I have also forgotten how to relax. The cogs of my to-do list that takes over my mind. This is inevitable when you’re doing so much yourself, when you’re asking so much of colleagues and friends and family who are also part of the beautiful ‘outsider machine’. The cogs have been spinning almost out of control. I need a Tramadol. But nothing can compare to the feeling of satisfaction or joy that comes with being on this side of a self-release.

The crowdfunding campaign has been unprecedented – I can’t believe how well it’s gone and how much we’ve raised. (There’s still 1 more day to go, and we’re on just over £3.5K. I couldn't be more chuffed with that. Thank you. Here's the latest and final crowdfunding thank you video (lost the original backwards thank you sign! DRAT!) 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQOeu0u4EmQ

I’m so grateful. Not only has this money meant mastering at Abbey Road, the production of a CD and someway towards covering the cost of the imminent vinyl (along with the cost of all the crowfunding rewards themselves!), it’s also  generated a lot of work which has become part of the feedback loop of goodness – 44 personalised poems – some of which are becoming new songs –  sending the stuff out to people and getting lovely feedback, making the thank you videos, thanking each person individually for their donation – all of it has been one giant elongated effort to build a community of people who would help to get this album – my beautiful baby! – finished and presented to the world in such a way that we could all feel like we had a stake in it, like we were part of something. I hope that’s how you feel.

I got a little feedback loop/infinity symbol tattooed in white on my sternum earlier in the year (by Ferank Manseed – check out his work), to remind me that you get what you ask for (so be careful what you ask for!), and that you get what you give. I know that life can be unfair, and that this doesn’t always ring true, but I’m basically saying: intention is everything. I’ve been looking at it recently and nodding, all knowing and arch and glad.

So now my main job is to dismantle my mental machine for a little bit over Christmas and try to unwind. Or maybe it’s to build a new machine that is based on letting go. Not necessarily not working as hard – I have an album to share, and more gigs to find (get in touch!), but emotionally, it’s about letting go now. The album is about that for me – about some of the things I’ve been through and moving forward with strength and vulnerability in equal measure, both of which provide their own little feedback loop i.e there’s strength in vulnerability.

I had a few little panic attacks in the week leading up to the launch (which was also the week I got banned from driving for speeding, so a mixed bag!), and they were a little warning sign – I am aware that I need to stay on top of my health – both mental and physical – if 2014 is going to be all that it promises to be. There are a number of ‘mantras’ that have emerged over the last few months, i.e. ‘hold on to everything lightly’, ‘chew your food’ and ‘no matter what happens, you look great in a pirate hat’.

The big one that’s helped sustain my energy and focus came in the aftermath of my housemate, Owen, being taken very ill, and in the build up to launching the record – it’s the one that I put inside the album sleeve, the one that helps me to keep going, and it’s this:

COURAGE ONLY COUNTS WHEN YOU’RE TERRIFIED.

It’s okay to be shitting yourself most of the time (not literally, you might want that sorted). And it’s okay to have a mantra. It’s okay to have panic attacks when you’re really stressed, and it’s okay to ask for help and tell people about that. It’s okay to be proud of the things that you’ve achieved. It’s okay to be scared of them too. The main this is to keep going and breathing and making and asking and seeking and listening and singing and sleeping and laughing.

And when I think about it all, as proud as I am of the new record, my main achievement this year has been keeping an even keel. I said it at the launch on Saturday (did I over-share? Always hard to gauge!) and I’ll say it again – as someone who suffers from intermittent bouts of crippling depression, I’ve learned that empathy is the antidote to shame. For me, making music and listening to music is one of the most therapeutic things I can do (along with making Daal and going to the gym). The idea that other people connect to my music I make feels quite miraculous and ace, and is part of the empathy-making-machine that helps me stay okay. So thank you, and thank God for music.

There are many other wonderful people to thank, – my incredible producers Alex Ross and Jonathan Bidgood (IMAGO BUNKER 4 EVA!), Sean Keeble at Bishop Auckland College and  Pinky Binks who gave of their time and expertise to get all of the IMAGO emblazoned chopping board, bibs, high vis vests, mugs, oven gloves, door hangers, etc. etc. etc. made up (could NOT have done it without you and your cupboard of joy), the incredibly generous and visionary Jo and Carl and the Cumberland Arms, all at St Luke’s who allowed us to create a very special gig, those who played on Saturday at the Cumberland in support of the launch – Matt Stalker (who has been a total rock to me throughout the making, along with Alex and Jon, and whom also plays guitar on the album and has his own album coming out next year), Ditte Elly (who also created the Ink Drawing for the front cover), Nev Clay (genius), Adam Kent (creative brother and fellow Shark), Dave Haley and family for the first IMAGO house gig, Clymene and Graham for the second…Tommy Anderson for designing the sleeve….Brendan Murphyfor brass percussion on the record, James Lewis for cello…Joe Haydon for filming the launch, Phil Punton for photographing it…and everyone who came to the shows and continues to come to them….erm…Alfie the dog…my P.E. teacher in high school…..to be honest, right now, you are all whirring around in my head and my heart like beautiful-but-frantic moths, and I am afraid that if I begin a proper thank you list I would miss somebody out, so I might save the proper gushing for Christmas Day, which feels like a good day to give thanks, and make it more poetic, along with publishing every one of the personalised poems that I have written for Crowdfunders (I’ll publish them here i think, so watch out for that!)

For now, I’m going to put some ice on my face, watch cartoons and allow the warm glow of IMAGO to spread as it continues to emerge like the beautiful gift it’s turning out to be.

Much love and thanks that extend and continue to mushroom beyond words. Whatever it is you need to do or to get through – KEEP GOING> EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE AND YOU AINT ON YER TOD.  Love,  Beccy x

p.s. here’s a random selection of images (the really pro ones are byPhil Punton) from the past few weeks. UNTIL NEXT TIME MEGADUDES xxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

 

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